Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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