JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
