Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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