I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
