Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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