I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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