oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Rumble strips road head = magical
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
