there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I need a burrito and a hug.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
