i think my mom watched the whole time
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
