i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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