I must be too annoying 4 u.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
