Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
