i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
