There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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