cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
