my mouth tastes like poor choices
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
