He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This house was built for laser tag.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
