i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Randomize
