To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
