Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
