Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
