So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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