every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
