I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
