remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
