I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
