A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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