in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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