On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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