I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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