Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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