we're blogging at a bar
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
