He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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