o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
