so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
