true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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