I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
