what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
