I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
