I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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