as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
