I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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