Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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