Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
