i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
