So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
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She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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