I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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