My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
