It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
