brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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