In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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