"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
