I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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