listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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