K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
