I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
