The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He better not be in your backpack
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
