I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
