Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My ass is underappreciated
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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