YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
