well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
