I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
