careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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