Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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