found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
