Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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