Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I puked a lego.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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